Never, never, never say die

I would die for Sarina Wiegman. Which is just as well, as she clearly hates me and is trying to kill me.

I was a lot more confident about our chances v Italy than I was about our chances v Sweden, which turned out to be slightly misplaced. Wiegman made one change to the starting line-up, bringing in Morgan for Carter. A sensible move, which I’m sure was based on performance and tactics, but which was made under the shadow of the announcement that the police had been contacted about Jess Carter receiving racist abuse online. It should go without saying that this is disgusting and inexcusable. It’s not banter, it’s not part of the game, no-one should have to expect this or just get on with it, and we all need to call this shit out for the poisonous bigotry it is whenever we encounter it.

We needed to start better than we did against Sweden (it’d be difficult to do worse, let’s be honest), and we did. Bronze put in a great tackle on Bonansea early on (the referee saw it as a foul, I disagree, she got the ball) and let her know she was there. Stereotypes sometimes exist for a reason, and Italy gonna Italy. They were throwing themselves to the floor continually at the last Euros, they’ve been doing it all this tournament, and this game was no exception.

We had some decent chances, with Hemp making useful runs down the left, and James and Russo both having shots that they would have liked to have done better with. Unfortunately, we were again undone by some woeful defending. It was far too easy for Italy to make their way into the box from a throw in on the halfway line, and Bronze maybe should have cut out the cross to Bonansea, whose finish was good to be fair. Maybe Bronze should have hit her harder earlier on.

📷 Getty Images

We hadn’t made the most of our chances, they took theirs. We continued to get forward and put crosses into the box but couldn’t put them away. Lauren James looked hesitant to shoot, which was probably explained by the ice pack on her ankle when she came off for Beth Mead at half time.

We kept making chances and not taking them, and Italy defended well. You’d have thought it was a really dirty game, the way they kept flinging themselves to the floor, but the first yellow card of the game was given to their keeper for timewasting in the 74th minute, fittingly enough.

I would like the record to show that at 9:32pm, with less than 15 minutes of normal time left, I tweeted this:

I’m not just a foul mouthed idiot, y’know. Whatever Barry and Creepy Kevin might tell you.

Kelly finally came on for Stanway in the 77th minute, and a few minutes later, Agyemang and Beever-Jones came on for Williamson and Russo. I really wish they’d come on sooner, but as I said earlier, I think Sarina Wiegman hates me and is trying to kill me.

It was nearly 2-0 in the dying minutes of the 90, with Hampton making a good save from a corner at the 2nd attempt. It was looking a lot like our luck had run out.

We had a couple of corners in injury time, both taken by Kelly, who I’d been convinced would rescue us again. The first was crossed in well and headed on by Bronze, but well taken by Giuliani. The second was absolutely not taken well, Kelly somehow managed to put it into the side netting and straight out for a goal-kick, and Italy celebrated like it was the winning goal.

Their premature celebrations were still going on when they conceded a free kick in their own half for a cynical foul, and they were lucky to have not got a yellow card for the foul and a yellow card for the player who stopped England taking the set piece quickly. Hemp crossed the ball into the box, Mead’s attempt at a header probably distracted the keeper, and Agyemang, in the ninety-fucking-sixth minute, calmly took a touch, and hit it hard and low into the net, nutmegging not one but two players in the process.

📷 Jose Breton

Michelle Agyemang only made her debut for England a matter of weeks ago and scored 41 seconds into it. She’s got 4 England caps and 3 England goals. She’s rescued us from defeat in the last minutes at this Euros in both knockout games. And she’s 19. NINETEEN! Michelle Agyemang, she’s God’s number 17. Apparently Agyemang means ‘saviour of the nation’ in the Ghanaian Akan language. Appropriate.

Extra time again, ole ole. This England side have no respect for my bedtime. I’ve got loads on at work, girls, I could do without this.

Giuliani had probably been the player of the match, but all of a sudden, she wasn’t looking quite as assured, and hopes were starting to rise that maybe the momentum was with us. After Toone did well to keep the ball in play on the left and play it into the box, the keeper spilled it and one of her own defenders nearly tapped it in.

Kelly made a great jinking run into the box, and she was entitled to shoot, but, y’know, shoot better. Hemp didn’t stop running and must have been absolutely exhausted. Agyemang was nearly the saviour of the nation again in the 117th minute, beautifully lobbing the keeper and hitting the bar. That was the chance, wasn’t it? That was the last chance to win it. Oh God, it’s going to penalties again, isn’t it…

Well, not ‘penalties’, plural. With seconds left, Severini thought it was a good idea to rugby tackle Beth Mead in the box right in front of the referee. If there’s one player you’d want to take a penalty in the 119th minute of the semi-final of a major tournament, it’s Chloe Kelly. She did her trademark Karate Kid run, hit it to the left….and Giuliani saved it. But Kelly was sharp enough to pounce on rebound and smash it into the net. Get, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck in.

📷 Getty Images

Bloody hell, this England team. They’re shaky at the back, they’re wasteful up front, and holy fuck do they need to work on their penalty taking. But I fucking love them. I love their resilience, I love their tenacity, I love their team spirit. Maybe, just maybe, it’s coming home.

Meanwhile, at Boundary Park, no movements in the transfer market this week. I’m not worried, we’re probably one striker away from a good squad. In Micky we trust. By all accounts we did OK in our 0-0 draw at Dundee United. Kudos to you if you were mad enough to travel north of the border for that.

The new kit saga came to some sort of conclusion yesterday, after the club confirmed that they’d caved in to the mob and binned off the kit originally unveiled at the anniversary do, in an admittedly hilarious social media post.

So…. the home kit is basically the same as the original one, minus poor persecuted Bunkabin Man. The away kit is red, presumably as a nod to our early 90s kit. And in answer to my immediate question of “what the fuck is the pattern on the 3rd kit meant to be?”: "The colours pay tribute to Oldham’s industrial past, the orange interlocking pattern representing the weaving of cotton against the grey skies." So there you are. The keeper kits are both good, obviously the green one is the best one. You’d better all go out and buy them 9after the club pandered to your cry-arseing. I’m holding out for the Bunkabin Man t-shirts, which I’m pretty certain the club are going to do.

The main thing to take from the kit reveal is that Harratt is definitely staying, and he’s VERY happy about it.

📷 Oldham Athletic

Yet another final against Spain, then. Let’s hope it’s third time lucky. Spain are intimidatingly good (although they needed extra time to beat Germany), and England go into the final as underdogs, but remember how many points Latics finished behind York? Remember how that counted for fuck all in the crucial knockout game? Bring it home, girls. And if you have to put me in hospital by leaving it until the 119th minute to win it again, so be it. KTMFF.

 📷 Giuseppe Velletri

Written by Arlene Finnigan