To be whipped by the winds of the west

Oh good, another 0-0 draw to attempt to write about. My favourite thing.

We were in the hospitality for the Crewe game for our mate Matt’s 80th birthday. The food and service were brilliant, Braddy got Matt up for everyone to sing Happy Birthday to him, and Frank came looking for him after the game asking, “where’s this old codger?” and shook his hand and had photos taken with him. It was lovely. Hope you had a fantastic afternoon, Matt.

📸 Peter Headen. Two absolute legends.

(We also had a chat with Alan Hardy. It was great seeing His Infernal Majesty looking so well, and a little unnerving hearing him proudly tell us that the ‘I Scored At Boundary Park’ knickers that they had in Latique in the early 80s were “great sellers”. Different times.)

Mellon snr was forced into a couple of changes, with Hawkes and Payne coming in for the injured Hammond and the suspended Woods. The game was always likely to be affected by the weather, with Storm Claudia having taken its toll on the Main Stand.

📸 Ryan Williams

Joe Garner was as up for the challenge as you’d expect and started the afternoon as he meant to go on, with him and Thomas having to be separated before the game even kicked off. Never change, you magnificent shithouse.

Mellon jnr won a corner 10 minutes in, and the ball that Robson tried to swing into the box was caught by the wind and sailed out of play. It was an early indication that it wasn’t going to be our afternoon.

Crewe are just outside the playoff positions, and were always going to be tough opponents. They could easily have been well in control of the game by half-time if they’d brought their shooting boots. Tezgel could have had a first half hat-trick, heading Demetriou’s cross wide, then hitting the bar, then putting his shot from inside the 6-yard box over the bar. Sanders’ shot from the edge of the box, after some nice footwork, was wide, and he hit the post just before half-time. Let’s be honest, they were battering us.

Caprice came in for criticism from some for pulling out of tackles, but when he did put in what looked an OK challenge late in the first half, the referee couldn’t wait to book him. Shit refs again, ole ole.

Where, oh where is our James Connolly? Fouling Joe Garner just to the left of the penalty area, that’s where. (One for the Irish rebels among you there.) Garner was in a battle all game and won us a free kick early in the second half. Robson put a great ball into the 6-yard box, and it was a brilliant save from Monthe’s header. God it would have been great for Manny to score two games running, and for us to take the lead so hilariously against the run of play.

📸 Phill Smith

Crewe continued to put us under pressure, with Lunt being the latest player to hit the post, but we were creating more chances. Fondop came on for Garner, which was the right move, the game was crying out for Mikey, but it was a shame that Garner’s fight was over. He probably would have got sent off for chinning Thomas or something, though, to be fair. Drummond came on for Hannant shortly after, and almost made an immediate impact, making a great run into the box, but it was a familiar ending. His shot wasn’t far off. His first goal in a real game is coming.

📸 Thomas Lee Stacey

Fondop had several good chances and was unlucky to not score. He went close with a header from Caprice’s cross, but Connolly did enough to block him. His shot from Robson’s cross was blocked by Demetriou, and his second go on the volley from the rebound went over the bar. He later laid the ball off to Drummond, who was tripped by Hutchison, but Mellon jnr’s shot from the free kick was saved.

It would have been a very funny and enjoyable injustice if we’d scored from a corner well into stoppage time, but alas, the referee blew for a foul. All in all, a tough afternoon, and we could consider it a point gained rather than two dropped. We headed back into the Broadway Suite, rejoiced in not having to queue for 20 minutes for a drink for once, and our mate Ben got baby Guinnesses for everyone. Top lad.

Like an episode of Sesame Street, Micky Mellon’s post-match interview was brought to you by the number 0 and the words ‘difficult conditions’. I mean, they were, but shouldn’t that have worked to our advantage given that we were at home? Drummond, God bless him, is clearly absolutely desperate to get on the scoresheet: “each time I’m telling myself ‘I’m gonna score, I’m gonna score’.” We’re all willing you on, son. On the pitch when it happens. (Not me, obv, my right hip’s been giving me terrible gyp.)

Commiserations to our women’s team, who lost 5-2 v Mancunian Unity on Sunday. Unity are a very strong side, having benefitted from the expert coaching of former PTB rebel Danny Taylor for several years. Caitlin Knowles and Abbey Rogers both scored for us, but it just wasn’t our day. They take on Westbury Sports Club in the Open Age Challenge Cup at 2pm on Sunday at Hopwood Hall College. Onwards and upwards, girls.

Newport County are currently bottom of the league and had just sacked their manager. In times gone by that meant a guaranteed away win for the visitors, but hopefully not anymore. They've appointed Christian Fuchs as their new boss. Fuchs. Potential for some fun to be had with that name if we win. You know how much I love a good pun, lads. Don't let me down. KTMFF.

📸 Oldham Athletic

Written by Arlene Finnigan