Can't go back to London, can't go back to Swindon

Ugh. We really are shite at lunchtime kick-offs, aren’t we?

We had, to be fair, been shite in the match that kicked off at 3pm the previous week, and Mellon made four changes to the starting line-up. New boy Calum Kavanagh went straight into the first XI in place of the injured Garner, and Fondop. Simeu and Taylor came in for Drummond, Taylor and Stevens, with the formation switching to – in theory – 3-5-2. Well, it was worth a go, wasn’t it.

Alas, we were under pressure pretty much from the start, and it was more like 5-3-2. Palmer played a good ball into the box, and Hudson did well to save it before Olakigbe could get on the end of it. Robson – arguably our best signing of the summer – gave the ball away, and Snowdon put his shot wide. We can’t say we weren’t warned. The first goal was as well taken as it was inevitable. Simeu couldn’t keep up with Drinan’s run down the left, and it was a good finish by Scanlon.

We had half chances but never really threatened. Robson’s header didn’t seriously trouble their keeper; when Caprice found Pett in plenty of space in the box, his shot was tame. Swindon could have doubled their lead just before half-time when Drinan did Simeu for pace again, but his shot was wide.

Drummond came on for Taylor 52 minutes in, and could maybe feel aggrieved that he didn’t start. Kavanagh’s shot early in the 2nd half looked like it might have hit a defender’s hand, but it was hit at him at close range, and I’d have been furious if the roles were reversed and that had been given against us.

We weren’t coping well with their pace and their second came from them hitting us on the break again. From the highlights, I can see that one of our players is down when they launch the ball up field, but I can’t tell who it is, whether it was a foul (I don’t think it looked like one) or whether they’re actually injured. Hudson parried Snowdon’s shot, Holman put the rebound away, far too easy, fuck off.

Stevens came on for Simeu shortly after we went 2-0 down. The formation clearly wasn’t working, and I’m not the only one who’s puzzled that Mellon seems to think that Simeu is a better option at the back than Sutton.

📸 Thomas Lee Stacey

Stevens has looked decent since coming back, and he caused Swindon some problems. He won a free kick to the left of the box, which they made hard work of clearing, and when Pett played the ball back in, Nichols fouled Fondop to give us a penalty. A golden opportunity to make it 2-1, get back into the game, and for Kavanagh to get a debut goal. Alas, Kavanagh’s shot was weak, and Ripley may or may not have been well off his line. It was one of those days. Again.

📸 Thomas Lee Stacey

I fucking loved Connor Ripley when he was on loan with us, and I fucking hated how good he was last Saturday. He made an infuriatingly impressive triple save late on, blocking Drummond’s shot with his foot, batting Robson’s away, then catching Fondop’s header. Hmph. Thanks for saving those two penalties in injury time at home v Millwall in 2017, Connor, but for now, you can fuck off.

Obviously, Swindon then went straight up the other end and Hoilett set Drinan up to tap it in and make it 3-0, because of course they fucking did. Maybe 3-0 was harsh on us, maybe it was all we fucking deserved.

Mellon’s post-match interview was pretty much what you’d expect: we need to be more clinical, we need to be more ruthless, they were, we weren’t, that’s why they’re challenging at the top end of the league and we’re not. He also said we were possibly the better team between the two boxes. I’ll leave it to those of you who were at the game to decide whether that’s true or not.

📸 Thomas Lee Stacey

As awful as the performance and the result were, I think I was more appalled by this terrible motivational poster that Alex Banham spotted on the club’s Instagram:

What the fuck does this even mean?

Full disclosure: I didn’t follow the game at all last Saturday. Being, as I am, incredibly posh and cultured, I was at the Shakespeare North Playhouse in my hometown watching an excellent performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. At about the time that we were conceding the third goal, I was watching Bottom sing War Pigs to Titania. It was very entertaining and I’m very happy with my choice.

Thank fuck, once again, for our women’s team, who fought hard to pick up a point in a 1-1 draw against West Didsbury and Chorlton. Jess Duke gave us the lead from a scramble in the box from a corner in the first half. We created chances but couldn’t capitalise on them, and they equalised from a free kick late on. The girls have this weekend off, and face Mancunian Unity in the quarter-final of the Open Age Challenge Cup on the 22nd.

It’s not been a great run for the boys, but losing to the teams who are currently 2nd and 4th in our first season back in the league isn’t the end of the world. We could REALLY do with nipping it in the bud before a blip turns into another post-Christmas slump, though. Let’s hope we’re all feeling the love at full time this afternoon. I don’t want red roses or chocolates this Valentine’s Day, I want 3 points. And stickers 8 and 18 to complete my OASF album. Happy Oldham 6 West Ham 0 day, my loves. KTMFF.

Written by Arlene Finnigan