It's been three long years, do you still want us?

Well hello again, Football League! Did you miss us? We sure as fuck missed you. God, it’s good to be back.

No, we weren’t sure we’d see you again, either. In fact, when we parted ways, I really expected us to be supporting a phoenix club now, working its way back up through the North West Counties league. Just think, we could have been Robbie Savage’s vanity project (until he fucked off at the first sniff of a job offer from a higher league). Thank fuck it didn’t come to that, eh?

Shez was in charge last time we were here, wasn’t he? If anyone could give us hope under that shitshow, it was him, but as a great philosopher once said, you can’t make a chicken salad out of chicken shit. He was as gutted as we were. No, he’s enjoying his retirement now. Micky Mellon’s the manager nowadays, I believe you’ve met? Hahahaha, yeah of course. Serial promotion winner. Never doubted him, mate. What? Nah, don’t know where you heard that mate. Always had faith in him. Ahem. Did the business for us, didn’t he? And Shez were there at Wembley to see it.

Bloody hell, yeah, it was a pretty shambolic way to say goodbye, wasn’t it? Still chuckle at you making us play out that last 11 minutes against Salford behind closed doors to ‘maintain the integrity of the competition’. No offence, but it was a bit fucking late for that, wasn’t it? And you probably should have been more worried about the health and safety advisor ordering stewards to block fire exits. Still, all’s well that ends well. But maybe try a bit harder to stop it happening again? I guess that Morecambe aren’t your problem now (and solidarity with their supporters, the owl supports the Shrimps), but have a word with that fucker at Sheffield Wednesday, will you?

Yeah, it was a fucking grim day, that. Obviously encroaching onto the pitch is a Serious Criminal Offence which no-one at Oldham Fan Media condones, but those supporters marching towards where the directors should have been with that banner telling them to get out of our club gave me hope that we weren’t letting our club die, not without fighting to the death. And I tell you what, it’s WAY better watching people invading the pitch of the team that finished 23 points above us in the league to celebrate battering them to make it to Wembley.

📷 Around The Grounds

Yeah, you could say we really hit the jackpot with our new owners. Oh aye, everyone loves the Rothwells. Well apart from that bitter weirdo having a never-ending tantrum on Twitter, raging at his own irrelevance. Have you met Frank and Judith yet? Oh you’ll LOVE them. Yeah, dancing on the Wembley pitch, singing that mad song, waving a foil key on the pitch to celebrate buying the ground, rowing the Atlantic, having a penalty shootout with cars and giant footballs before we replace the pitch… God, yeah, we’re so lucky to have them.

📷 World's Toughest Row

We had that unfortunate tag last time we were here, didn’t we? Football League club that had gone the longest without winning anything? Getting relegated out of the League wasn’t the ideal way to lose that particular albatross around our necks, but it was all part of the journey. Now it’s a matter of weeks since we won a trophy, rather than decades. (Soz about that, Everton. Good luck this season.)

📷 Phill Smith

The Athleticos? Oh they’re doing better than ever, thanks for asking. Remember when those other clowns banned them from bringing banners? God, that was stupid, wasn’t it. They don’t have that problem any more, thank fuck.

📷 Athleticos

Who was our shirt sponsor last time we were here? Fucking Banterclub or whatever it was called? It’s Bunkabin this year, and the club actually listened when fans told them to take the builder off the logo, because that’s how we do things now. I wouldn’t have, mind, I’d have told them to stop whining, made Bunkabin Man the new club mascot and renamed it the Bunkabin Bar and put a massive fibreglass Bunkabin Man on the bar itself.

📷 Oldham Athletic

Are we optimistic? Hahahaha fucking hell mate, have you met us? 34 years of hurt may not have stopped us dreaming, but it's taught us to manage our expectations a bit. I'm not optimistic today, I'll be honest. We've not got a great record against Franchise. But it's a long season, and who knows what's going to happen?

I can tell you this much, though: the lows are never going to be as low as they have been. We hit rock bottom, and we're never going back. And the highs will be all the sweeter for it.

Thanks for having us back, Football League. We like it here. We're here to stay. But not in League Two. KTMFF.

 📷 Phill Smith

Written by Arlene Finnigan