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And you want to call your mother, and say "mother, I can never play at home again"

I guess we should have seen the events of the last week coming. But I really, really thought we'd rise to the occasion last Saturday. Nah. Obviously the players were saving their best for fucking Eastleigh.

The Kidderminster game should have been an incredibly proud day for the club, and in lots of ways it was. The ground was packed, the atmosphere before the game was bouncing, the Athleticos had made a ‘Welcome Home Frank’ banner. Professor Brian Cox was interviewed on the pitch and it was announced that he’s going to bring his Horizons show to the Oldham Event Centre. And, of course, the man of the moment, Frank Rothwell, was given a hero’s welcome. He walked out to the centre circle waving his oar, thanked everyone for supporting Alzheimer’s Research, said he was never rowing the Atlantic again, and told Judith that he loved her and she was the best wife in the world. Ahhhhhhh.

All of which made it infuriating and unacceptable that the team put in such a gutless, disorganised, pathetic performance. I hope Frank went into the changing room with his oar and belted them all with it. A sell out crowd should fire up the home team and make them raise their game, but it seemed to scare the shit out of us.

We could easily have been 3-0 by half time. Yes, everyone’s favourite midfielder Nathan Sheron lost his man for the first goal, but he ran through at least four other outfield players like Moses parting the Red Sea, and the shot wasn’t the strongest.

Sheron made some amends early in the second half – why no, I did not see his goal, for I was indeed still having a drink at the back of the Rocky, how did you guess. Fondop made a good run down the right wing (where he spent a bit too much of the game for any number 9, let alone God’s, but that’s how it was), and Sheron put it away from his cross. The relief didn’t last long though, as yet again we failed to defend a corner. To quote Hebrews 13:8 – Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, and today and forever. It was no more than Kidderminster deserved. We could have played until Monday morning and not scored an equaliser.

If our players couldn't cope with a sold out Boundary Park, would they be more at home at another Southern leisure centre? Yes, apparently, yes they would. We were everything at Eastleigh that we weren't at home to Kidderminster. We started strongly and aggressively. Imagine if we'd tried that last Saturday and given the 11,881 crowd something to shout about and put Kidderminster under some pressure. We got the ball down and passed it about really well. WHY CAN'T WE DO THIS AT HOME?

We were far more confident going for goal, with Garner especially happy to have a go from long range. It was fully deserved when he put us ahead with a very cool finish, from yet another assist for the under rated Sheron. Seriously. You all need to give him the respect he deserves.

We were given an advantage early in the second half when Atangana, who was already on a yellow, had an absolute brain fart and put in a daft challenge on Green (who I hope and pray starts today). We often shit the bed against 10 men, but thankfully that wasn't the case on Tuesday. Garner continued to have chance after chance, and his second was an absolute piss take. He was practically doing keepy uppies in the 6 yard box before putting it away. Glorious stuff.

That should have been that, but we like to keep things exciting, don't we. It was a fantastic finish by Boldewijn to be fair, but I really wish we hadn't let him turn and get the shot away from there. For some reason the official highlights didn't include Raglan's thundering game-winning tackle late on, which was definitely not a foul, much less a red card. Well done to the referee, excellent decision.

Why can't we replicate our away performances at home? Do the players bottle it at the Wembley of the North? Do they prefer playing at wee guy grounds? Does Mellon mess about with the team selection too much? Whatever it is, we'd really appreciate it if you could sort it out, lads.

The VERY least I expect today is a one million per cent improvement on the 'performance' at Southend on the opening day of the season. We are owed. We are fucking owed. We've had some fucking awful displays away from home as well. Right the wrong, lads. KTMFF.

Written by Arlene Finnigan

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