European dreams, European screams

Ah, what a lovely summer it’s turning out to be. Enjoying the Club World Cup? No, I can’t be arsed with it either. But don’t worry, real football is back on Wednesday, with the opening games of the Women’s Euros.

(If you don’t think women’s football is real football, feel free to unfollow me and not read this blog, or any future blogs. Don’t bother telling me, you’re not going to change my mind, and I’m not arsed about changing yours.)

I’ll go into my thoughts on England’s chances more next week, as their first game is a week today. We’re going into the tournament as defending champions, but we’ve somehow ended up in a group with France, the Netherlands and Wales. I’m not sure how the hell that’s happened. (By which I mean England, France and the Netherlands ending up in the same group, not Wales qualifying. I got no beef with Wales. Whatever Andy might tell you. I did NOT refuse to take his name when we got married because I’m racist against the Welsh. He’s lying.)

Incidentally, Welsh language indie band Adwaith have put out a song for the Euros called Aros Am Y Chwiban (Waiting For The Whistle). Give it a listen, it’s a banger.

The tournament takes place in Switzerland, famous for cheese, chocolate, weird little knives and hoarding Nazi gold. What? It is. I’m not racist against the Swiss, either, that’s just a fact. The hosts have won the last two Euros, but Switzerland have never reached the knockout stage before and would make history if they made it out of their group. Also, unlike the Netherlands in 2017 and England in 2022, Sarina Wiegman isn’t their head coach.

The hosts’ opening match is on Wednesday night against Norway, but the opening game of the tournament is earlier in the day, with Iceland taking on Finland. If you’re wondering who to support in that (and I’m sure you are), Finland’s nickname is the Boreal Owls, and holy fuck would you look at this shirt.

If we’re brutally realistic, Spain are probably going to win it. They’re the current world champions, and the last four Ballon d’Or Feminin awards have been won by Spanish players (Alexia Putellas in 2021 and 2022, Aitana Bonmati in 2023 and 2024). But then, realistically, the Barcelona team starring Putellas, Bonmati and Ona Batlle were going to batter Arsenal in the Champions League final, but instead Beth Mead, Chloe Kelly, Alessia Russo, Lotte Wubben-Moy and England captain Leah Williamson became the current European club champions, so I don’t know what to tell you.

Germany have won the competition 8 times, so they can’t be ruled out. After their hilarious group exit at the World Cup, they won bronze at the Olympics and qualified for the Euros as group winners. You’d expect them to top the group, and I’m guessing it’ll be an interesting battle between Sweden and Denmark for second place, but who knows.

I spat my drink out reading up on England’s group D rivals, because I misread the France manager’s name as Laurent Banide. It isn’t, it’s Laurent Bonadei, who almost certainly hasn’t won everything there is to win in Kuwait. France are without defensive colossus Wendie Renard, whereas Vivianne Miedema did manage to recover from a hamstring injury in time, so swings and roundabouts.

This is not Laurent Banide.

In Latics news, Kian Harratt may have been a daft bugger on holiday in Ibiza, and should probably shut up instead of trying to ‘clear things up’ on TikTok; Mark Kitching is leaving for York, and we wish him all the best and thank him for being one of our most reliable players in our promotion season (and we wish Matt Uggla a very grow up you spoilt obnoxious brat); Tom Pett has signed for 2 years; Kane Drummond is back; both Mat Hudson and Tom Donaghy have signed new contracts; Charlie Raglan has left for Barrow, which is a blow, but thanks for everything, Charlie; and last night, after I'd finished writing the blog, we announced three fucking new signings. Welcome, Luke Hannant, Kieron Morris and Donervon Daniels. Do your own research on them, I want to have a glass of wine and watch Glastonbury.

📷 Oldham Athletic

The fixtures came out on Thursday, and at the risk of being ungrateful, I had a few grumbles. Milton Keynes away as our first game back in the Football League is underwhelming; Bristol Rovers away being midweek is a pain (although it’s given me the excuse to book a couple of days off work and make an overnight trip of it); Notts County away being while we’re on holiday is gutting; and Colchester away on my birthday can get to fuck.

On the other hand, we don’t have to go to Braintree, Boston, Eastleigh, Ebbsfleet, Maidenhead, or Truro. Newport should be a fun day out for our last away game. I’m looking forward to renewing hostilities with Tranmere (OK, I'm mostly looking forward to going drinking in Liverpool). And hopefully, we can look forward to the Chaddy end being open again.

Our opening game at the Bletchley Pisserdome will come around before you know, but in the meantime, there's social media speculations and meltdowns, plus a major international tournament to keep you occupied. Speaking of going into European competitions as reigning champions, good luck to England Men's under 21s tonight in the final against Germany. I have nothing but love and respect for the country that gave us Henning Wehn, Nena, the Scorpions and Karl Marx, but I hope we batter them. Let's keep the summer of love going. KTMFF.

Written by Arlene Finnigan