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Not won the first league game of the season for 11 years, is it? Haven’t kept a clean sheet in the opening game for 19 years, you say? To quote Micky Mellon, “well that’s stopped now”. This is just what Oldham do now. They just win the opening game of the season comfortably.
We’re all desperate for the club to shake off the torpor that’s hung over it for decades and for this to finally be our year, and the season got off to a cracking start 8 minutes in vs Braintree. Gardner played an absolute Hollywood ball long to Uchegbulam (can we PLEASE sing his full name to the tune of the Vengabus, Athleticos? Please?), putting him one on one with the keeper, and he finished brilliantly.
Starting the season as I will inevitably go on, I missed the first goal going for a pie. Which they charged me for, then realised they didn’t have any vegan pies, and I had to wait ten minutes while, fair play to them, they went to get one from another kiosk. Never change, Latics. Actually, please do change, I welcome the news of a new long term catering deal being negotiated, subject to due diligence (hahahaha nice one Luke).
We should have doubled our lead 25 minutes in – Fondop’s scrappy goal should have stood, there was nothing wrong with it, it was a fuck-up at the back by Braintree and the referee must have felt sorry for the defender. It was one of several decisions that went against Fondop, but thankfully he gave it up to God rather than throttling someone.
One of Unsworth’s notable failures was his fruitless search for a right back and a long throw specialist. In Reagan Ogle, we appear to have signed both. As Aaron Diskin accurately put it on the National League Natter podcast, he’s got “a weapon of a long throw” and set up the second goal. The keeper’s punch only parried the ball to Charsley, who volleyed it in from close range. 2-0 up inside half an hour and cruising.
Obviously, that was too easy, and we had to complicate things for ourselves, with Raglan’s clumsy challenge giving Braintree a penalty just before half time. It would have been a horrible time to concede, having been so dominant, but happily Hudson guessed the right way and saved it. He was rightly delighted with it, and Raglan was the first to congratulate him for getting him out of the shit. That beige kit is still minging, though.
Dear reader, it will come as no surprise to you whatsoever that we both missed the penalty incident because we were having a pint. And they didn’t have any wine or spirits. Crack on with that due diligence, lads.
One of the most pleasing aspects of last Saturday’s performance was how impressive we looked down both flanks. Uchegbulam was ripping Braintree to shreds and scaring the shit out of them down the left, and Ogle was causing all sorts of problems down the right, which created our 3rd goal just under an hour in. He cut inside from the bye line, threaded a cracking pass through to Hammond in the six-yard box, and when his shot was saved, God’s number 9 pounced on the rebound. The stone that the builders rejected has now become the cornerstone.
By this point we were brimming with confidence, and who could blame Conlon for having a cheeky shot from about 35 yards out? What saves Hudson did have to make looked comfortable, and new boy Caprice looked impressive when he came on for Ogle. 3 points, two goals scored by debutants, a clean sheet, and a steward being thrown out by another steward. All in all, as good and as entertaining a start to the season as we’ve had in years.
Yes, Braintree didn’t play well, and I wish their fans all the best because I fear they may be in for a long old season. But it’s worth remembering that all four of the teams who were relegated last season took points off us, and Kidderminster humiliated us in front of a sell out home crowd. Are Braintree really that much worse than them? Are they that much worse than (*shudders*) Hendon? Or have we stepped up and put together a team that can assert its dominance? Braintree’s two stereotypically big lads up front will give plenty of teams problems, and we dealt with them very well. Mellon says that we can definitely get better and slicker. I hope he’s right.
Off the pitch, it was a huge relief that the rumours of violent racist dickheads assembling at the match and marching into town afterwards didn’t materialise. If you’ve got any inclinations towards that kind of malarkey, do us all a favour. I hear there are 20,000 leagues under the sea. Find a team to support in one of them.
Safe travels if you’re making the journey to Wealdstone today. Something of a bogey team for us, of course, we’ve never beaten them. Hopefully that’s another millstone around our necks that we can get rid of. Because that’s just what 2024-24 Oldham do. KTMFF.
Written by Arlene Finnigan. Photos © Oldham Athletic
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